How do you live with the tragic loss of your soulmate?

I met him on a blind date and within 6 months we were married and everything was perfect, until the interference of friends and colleagues jaded our minds with slander and accusations about each other. Even after we discussed the things people were saying, we loved each other more; but that little nagging voice in our minds couldn't forget the what if factors that people created when we were apart. We both fell into an abyss of confusion of the truth of it all and acted on the gossip. We divorced because of pride and naive choices. Through the years neither one of us could let go of our love, but were to stubborn and too proud to re-unite. I found out this year that my one only died 5 years ago at his own hand, I was ready to reconcile and start again when I had made this call to receive such tragic news. Now I am at a loss and do not know how to cope with the reality that the only man who was uniquely made for me is gone and there is nothing I can do to change that reality. I know how he died and I have the gut wrenching knowledge to know I am the only one who could have changed all of these events if I would have come back sooner. The worst part is the ones that came between us surrounded him for the years we were apart and dragged him down to his final demise, not allowing him to see the light of our love. His death hey say was by his own hand but those around him knew of his sadness and one was there when it happened and did not prevent it.